Learning to stop thinking so much is probably the greatest single step we can take to increase inner peace and happiness in our lives.
Worrying about the future, regretting the past, obsessing over
what could or should have been, criticizing ourselves and others,
blaming the world for our woes – these are some of the habitual thinking
patterns we can become unconsciously lost in for hours, days or even
I say unconscious because much of our thinking happens on autopilot as a deeply ingrained habit. Thinking is going on with little or no awareness that it is happening.
Rather than being a
wonderful tool to be picked up and used when needed, the mind is more like an out of control Frankenstein monster with a life of its
So, how to stop thinking so much? How to free ourselves from the torment of addictive thinking?
Here are some ideas that may be of help.
The first (and possibly most important) step in learning how to stop thinking is to make unconscious thinking conscious.
How do we do this? By learning to step back and
objectively watch the mind in action – as if we were sitting in a
cinema watching the thoughts appear on a screen.
When thinking is unconscious, we are so wrapped up in the mind's activity that there is no space between ourselves and the content of the mind. There is no "watcher" of the thinking.
WATCHING THE MIND
Try this just now. Close your eyes and watch closely to see what the next thought is going to be.
Is it possible to know in advance?
Notice how thoughts appear by themselves from nowhere. Like breathing, we don't do anything to make it happen. It is simply the nature of the mind to churn out random thoughts.
When thinking is unconscious, each thought is allocated a label as it appears on the screen of our awareness. It is so habitual we don't notice we are doing it.
Some thoughts are labeled 'good' and
others 'bad' – some we are perfectly happy with, others we want to push away. The 'good' ones cause us no trouble at all whereas the 'bad' ones are experienced as unpleasant and cause us to suffer.
If we can take a step back and objectively watch the thoughts – without judging, without labeling, without trying to change or fix them in any way, what happens?
What happens to a 'negative' thought if it is simply allowed to be as it is?
The more we can remain in the role of impartial observer of the thoughts rather than being wrapped up IN the thoughts, the less impact they have on our peace.
Thoughts themselves do NOT cause us to suffer.
Suffering comes from our relationship WITH thoughts.
Another important thing to understand if we wish to free ourselves from addictive thinking, is the difference between thoughts and thinking.
Thoughts Just Happen, Thinking Is A Choice
Let's say the thought appears in your head: "I sent her a text 2 hours ago and she still hasn't replied."
This may trigger an inner dialogue such as:
"I wonder what is wrong. She usually gets back to me straight away. Maybe she is having second thoughts about the relationship. Maybe she felt I was rushing things last night."
This is thinking. And, how to stop thinking? Simple. By choosing to stop.
When we are alert enough to notice we are thinking, we can choose whether to continue or stop.
Although we have no control over the nature of the thoughts that arise by themselves in our awareness, thinking itself is a choice.
The moment we notice we are thinking, thinking stops – automatically and without any effort.
When we are alert, thinking is unable to gain a foothold. It flows in fits and starts, broken up by the act of noticing it. - Kick The Thinking Habit
Our awareness can only be in one place at a time - either as the thinker or as the one who notices that thinking is going on.
Thoughts happen by themselves, thinking is a choice.
THE MIND HAS NO POWER OF ITS OWN
When we feel trapped in incessant thinking and can't see the way out, the mind SEEMS to be an all-powerful entity with the power to make us suffer.
In truth, however, the ONLY power the mind has is the power we give it through habit. If we withdraw our attention from the mind, it has no power at all. Here are some of the main ways in which we habitually empower the mind:
• by believing our thoughts
• by resisting our thoughts
• by identifying with our thoughts
Lets look at the remedies.
QUESTION THE MIND
My teacher would often say: "The mind only tells lies."
Some time ago, I
got into the habit of deeply questioning everything the mind comes up with through using the question: "Do I know for absolute certain that
this is true?"
If you practice this, you will quickly come to see that the mind is filled with a million and one beliefs and assumptions which simply have no basis in truth.
How many times have you worried about something for days, weeks or even months which didn't happen in the end? There is a word for listening to and believing imagined outcomes – worry.
So, an important tip on how to stop thinking is to take everything the mind tells you with a large pinch of salt! We don't suffer because of the content of the mind. We suffer because we believe it. What you don't believe has no power over you.
ALLOWING THE MIND TO BE AS IT IS
Any time we are suffering, one thing is for certain. We are resisting something.
I love the following analogy from the spiritual teacher Osho:
A man walks over the brow of a hill and surveys the valley below. To his left there are some fir trees, on the horizon some gently sloping hills and to the right, a river meanders slowly through the tranquil scene. He simply observes the scene before him.
He doesn't think "Those trees are wrong. They should be oak tress. And I don't like where the river is. I would prefer if it was on the left. And as for those hills, they are simply too small!"
Just like the valley, the mind is as it is. We create suffering for ourselves through wanting it to be different from how it is. Through consciously choosing to allow whatever the mind comes up with to be OK, we wrap even the most disturbing thoughts in peace.
The mind just does what it does. It has been programmed that way. Leave it alone to do its dance and it will leave you in peace to do yours.
I hope these few insights will help you develop a more harmonious relationship with your mind.
If you would like to read more about how to stop thinking so much, you may find my 157-page e-book, Kick The Thinking Habit - How To Pull the Plug On An
Overactive Mind To Reclaim Your Peace And Serenity", very helpful.
In it, I explore each of the above topics in much more depth and reveal the one thing we need to clearly see to knock unwanted thinking on the head for good.
Addictive Thinking / Monkey Mind / Obsessive Thinking
Mind Over Mood / Non-Attachment / What You Resist Persists
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Kick The Thinking Habit
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